MY MIRACLE BABY

I’m hoping my story may encourage someone out there. Someone struggling with their faith in God wondering if God is really there in your situation. When God does something good to you it's only fair that you tell out your testimony. This is the story of how my faith was put to test but God came through. This is the story of litu Faith-my very tiny miracle

                                                     Fig. 1. My miracle baby

Will start the story from January 2012. On 3rd January i was exactly 38 weeks and my time had come to download. My labor progressed quite fast and in two hours i had dilated from 3cm to 7cm. But once I got to 7cm i stalled there. Then I see my doc trying to get the fetal heartbeat but his face reads bad things. He does A.V.E and there is grade one muconium. I'm rushed to theater and baby comes but does not cry.

 I'm a bit dazed from the drugs but from the background i can hear the pediatrician that was called to receive baby say suction fail...suction fail. I had not done a sex scan so i just kept asking the doctor if it's a girl or a boy then they tell me it's a girl. But i hear the doc say my cord was so short and it had gone round the baby twice. So i go to my room the doctor follows me and explainsa little and says he would come back. This is not the main story so to cut it short baby died 12 hours. A 3.95 kg baby girl named Lilian.

 To say it was a crazy phase would be an understatement. A cs scar with nothing to show for it. I cried, i questioned God. I prayed and stopped praying.Then i kinda went numb. I also almost broke up with the Mr coz he started saying his own things almost blaming me indirectly for babys death.

Fast forward to April and i conceive. Was it in the plan nope. Not with a scar. My obs/gyn here in Nakuru had written on my file in red and in caps "DO NOT ATTEMPT PREGNANCY TILL SIX MONTHS ARE OVER". I had delivered in Nairobi at home so the doc there however told me i could try pregnancy in three months as long as I was emotionally ready. So come April it kinda got me offguard though. So instead of being happy i started worrying about my scar.

I got scared to even go tell my doctor that my p's had bounced. But I talked to someone who told me the more I keep quiet the more risky it will get. So i got hold of myself and went and talked to my doctor. I told him how worried I was but he told me that is his burden now I should just enjoy my pregnancy. So I settled down. Told my mum about it and my pastor and very countable friends. I really didn't want to tell people about my pregnancy. 90% of my friends actually knew of my pregnancy when baby was about 6 weeks.  My scan however at 20 weeks indicated a low lying placenta but the doctor assures me we have a long way to go one and two since i had a very fresh scar this delivery will most definitely be a cs. I continued with life; school, work, home.....until October ,10th 2012.

I had classes as usual. I used to have two classes on Saturday from eight to two. So 7-10 i finished my class then went for the next class. But when i went to the loo i saw something like a mucal plug but yellowish but I thought there had been recent activities that is what was coming out. Mr had gone to the village to look at the progress of the farm as they were preparing for the second planting season. But mum on the other hand was meant to come to see me and even bring some baby things i had left when i delivered. So my class was cancelled and i went to easy coach to pick mum. We then went home i prepared lunch we ate but i told my mum i'm very very fatigued so she lets me sleep. I was quite tired in a not normal way.

I sleep and wake up at around six. I was supposed to wake up at five so we could go take garbage to our main collection point which is quite far but I couldn't make it. I just told mum we would take the garbage the following day. So at six i woke up. Cleaned the utensils for lunch and fixed dinner very fast. We ate at around nine. gossip here and there, catching up with mum and at nine thirty i told her I needed to sleep.We woul catch up the next day. So mum prays, she goes to her room and I go to mine. I had wanted to shower but pregnancy refused. I just changed to my sleeping tee and got in bed.  I could not sleep,kept tosseing and turning for a while and sleep wasn't coming. The tossing was as a result of some mild cramps i was experiencing. I was 28 weeks pregnant.

Took my phone checking on time it's only midnight. I googled and google said it could be false labor I take a shower it will subside. I call my pastor and explain to him what i was feeling and I tell him my day is still far away he prays for me the pain goes away but he tells me something that i am not very happy with. He tells me if God has planned may He have His way. That left me with a not very peaceful mind. So I decided to wake up and behold a huge splatter of blood hits the floor. I sleep nonetheless. Blood at 28 weeks is not a good sign. First thought is that i am losing my pregnancy. I had earlier not wanted to tell my mum coz my mum panics a lot but now i had to wake her up. I actually called her out and told her "Mama, i think i'm losing my pregnancy". I go to the loo and when i wipe myself there is a lot of blood and mucus.

I call my doctor immediately. By the way on Thursday 9th i had had my check up visit and the doc had told me baby is head down but she may turn and he also said next visit we would be booking the hospital. i would have been 32 weeks by the next visit. So when i call him he asks what hospital we had agreed on and i tell him MP Shah but he tells me to go to Aga Khan he will be updated by the doc who would receive me. So before even dressing I knelt down in my sitting room and told God He knows the desires of my heart and I really wanted this baby. I called the cab guy but he said he was away but on his way back. But after getting down the stairs from our apartment I met a cab that had just dropped someone. And i told him that he really needed to rush me to Aga Khan and he agreed.He kept encouraging me that all will be well and that I shouldn't worry. But in my mind i know too well bleeding at 28 weeks is just doom.

Good thing is baby kept playing. Sema miracle! My baby played all through. We got to Aga Khan to quite very pathetic services. I went to those observation cubicles and i had to keep ringing the bell when the pain was getting worse. by now it is official i'm in labor but this doc doesn't want to tell them anything. They ask me some questions then they go. The doc who received me told me he will give me a jab to ease the pain. A different doctor comes and i explain i'm waiting for a jab. Then a nurse comes in holding with a very different jab from the one I was waiting for.In furry I sent her back with it!! Then she came back with the correct one. But the pain didn't go away. Sometimes the pain was so close sometimes it disappears for a while. By now my mum is on full blown panic mode. She even added onto my stress since I was worried for her pressure. She kept saying prayers which really helped. As the pain kept coming, I would just pray and tell God to take away the cup of pain from.So after much bell ringing from my cubicle...I went for an emergency scan which surprisingly showed everything was in order.

Video:my 28week baby:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ETsl2ZBh8DQ


 Everything was fine even my placenta was back in place. So I kept wondering why the bleeding and why the pain. So  think with instructions from my doctor one Dr. Yamal, I was taken to the maternity wing to check baby's heart beat on that machine of theirs. That was pure torture. I found women in labor and in a few minutes toto is crying and the nurses were saying congratulations it's a girl....all along i was asking God if I will hold my baby - Will i really hold my baby. By now i'm that time I was slowly letting go and coming to terms with the fact that i have lost my baby once more and i even said i ain't trying ever again. Tha  aboutt was about three o'clock in the morning.

So we talked of various options. Honestly the bills at Aga Khan would have been insane. He actually told me we were looking at eventually 1.5-2Million Kenya Shillings and my mind went wild. "Ate whaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!!!!!!!!" A freaking two million. "Nitaanzia wapi.(Where will i start from)?" You and I know people don't even contribute to hospital bills. What will happen. He talked of Kenyatta Hospital and I tell him...."for me Kenyatta it is i don't want to stress anyone with bills." By then i have tried calling Mr. and he ain't picking. But i dropped him a message and told him I was bleeding and in hospital. Yamal also tells me we are not having surgery. I will have a normal delivery. My heart stopped for a moment right there.He does not work Kenyatta Hospital so he says he will transfer me to one of his friends who can deliver me who goes to Kenyatta Hospital one Dr. Wanyoike. We do the jab for the lungs and get a transfer letter written and prepare to leave. I call the cab guy but unfortunately he has closed. When Yamal hears that he tells me not to worry he would take me to Kenyatta Hospital himself. So we wind up at Aga Khan and I got the priviledge of riding in a doctor's X6 ......

 In a few minutes we arrive at Kenyatta and he leaves me in the hands of a nurse .He tells me to update him. I went through casualty, the things that i saw there man.....my pain literally went away. The nurse confirmed my ID card and puts me on a wheel chair to the labor ward. I got into the first check in stop and was in utter shock. The bed I was given was being supported by a stone since the one of the 'legs' was brocken. I looked at the state of things there and I told God "this is not what I envisioned but its alright God, have it your way Lord". By that my Mr. had driven flying and he was in Nairobi. He actually arrived in Nairobi as I was going to Kenyatta. We talk and he says he was coming to see me.

The doctors doing round arrived at my bed and when they wanted to do a Virginal Examination. I told them not to, that i was waiting for my doctor. The nurse who received me at the labor ward who tried to put that thing on my tummy that checks on fetal heart beat told me....."Mama kwanza huyu mtoto wako ata siskii heartbeat.(woman, first, I cant even hear a heartbeat from that baby of yours)". By now it is official I know I will push a dead baby. So when i told the doctor doing rounds i was waiting for Dr. Wanyoike they told me i'm in the wrong place, taht I needed to go to the private wing. Did I mention they were really treating me like crap because my report had a letter head of  Aga Khan Hospital-a private hospital, so definitely they wondered what the fuck I was doing in a public hospital...."si angebaki huko ametoka(she would have remained where she came from)". So the transfer process to the private wing started. By the way, if I was to die, I would have died because honestly it took forever concidering all this while I was i'm in insane pain. When the pain came I just waved my fingers in the air. Aga Khan had refused to give us the scan report...but Mr went there to push for it because Kenyatta were refusing to attend to me without that report. By then it was around noon - 12 hours later. Dr. Wanyoike was not picking up his calls. I dropped him a text and he tells me he has transferred me to Dr. Wachira. Dr. Wachira is in church. Basically I was finding one stumbling block after another.

Mum succeeds to admit me in private and i'm wheeled huko. By then my two best friends arrive with baby clothes, diapers and toiletries since honestly this baby caught me off guard. Who in a million years would imagine you would go into labor at 28 weeks. So i got into ward C and got much better service to my relief. The nurses receive me, I changed into the hospital gown. They did Viriginal Examination and voila I was fully dilated but my docotor was nowhere to be seen. Aparently my doc Wachira had tranferred me to another doctor.Then baby's heartbeats were now 104 which is quite faint. A few minutes later the nurses were saying "we are losing the baby". And i'm like haiya kumbe toto is still there. I was put on that syntactic drip to make the urge to push to come because it was not there. And asap nikaenda labor ward. I did the first push wrong because I let out air....so the nurses tell me not to release air and voila one push baby girl is here. baby came out weighing only 1.260 grams.

The incubators at the private wing are full so they say we will have to use the incubators in general. Where an incubator caters for 3 babies at a time. stress!!!. But God works His ways and a mum who had triplets in the incubators in private wing agreed to have her children share the incubator and that is how we got an incubator.....and that my friends was the beginning of a thousand miles with my toto.

I delivered on Saturday 12th i got bad engorged breasts.time to look for a breast pump. I saw hell. My friend brought me an electric pump on Tuesday which was a huge relief. I then started expressing. I din't even bother to go to the nursery to see my baby. I had given up. I had too many thoughts going on. I din't even tell anyone i had delivered. I called a pregnant friend Shiks but she din't pick her call. Later on she called me back and i told her I had delivered and she couldn't believe. She thought i was pulling her leg. Shiks with her belly arrived at Kenyatta at around 4pm to confirm how true it was and much to her utter shock I'm back to the market with a flat stomach.......with a normal delivery nine months after a CS.

I didn't sleep that night. I googled on preemie children.....some were encouraging some were outright discouraging. I wondered if i would leave the hospital with my toto. So Sunday is when I went to the nursery to see my baby. I also talked to the nurses who assured me that all will be well. That my toto at 1.2 is a big baby coz they have seen worse.

On Wednesday I went to town to buy containers for storing milk. I needed to express and take milk to hospital for the nurses to feed her. At the hospital there was a lady who had been in hospital for 40 days so even me I wondered if toto would be here for 40 days. On Tuesday another lady also had complications and delivered at 900grams. She was discharged after being there for 50 days and her bill was 500 thousand. 'Ei Owada.' In my mind I was doing my calculations and wondering Christ where we would get that cash from. Now I was bothered about money and also if my baby would be well.

 On 23rd October i resumed work. I wanted to save my leave days so that when baby was discharged i would start my maternity leave then. I would wake up at four AM and express....I shower...have breakfast...go to kenyatta Hospital....then take a bus to work..evening; i go to class and after we would pass by hospital. It was a long journey my friends. Baby got jaundice the second week and she was put under the UV light for 5 days. I cried seeing her so tiny in that state.

So after 46 days in hospital we got discharged on the 27th October with baby having gotten to 2 Kg's. I walked a mile. But the nurses in the NBU at Kenyatta Hospital were awesome. We were under Dr. Miriam karanja who God has used to work miracles. 
So today I look at my baby and I have a trillion reasons to thank God. God proved me wrong. God held my hand through it all. I have awesome friends who prayed with me through the whole ordeal. Who kept checking on me and who celebrated with me every single gram that my baby added.

 Moral of the story........IT MAY SEEM DARK....YOU MAY LOSE HOPE, THINGS MAY NOT TURN OUT TO YOUR PLAN.....BUT GOD NEVER FAILS. GOD IS THERE. Just learn to move in motion with God's plans. Because we plan but God fall off His chair laughing at our plans. We had an insane bill too but God provided. Did i tell you that Dr. Yamal paid up for my bills at Aga Khan.......so tell me isn't my God a big God. Ebu take time and take this in,.......if you are doubting your God....trust in my God who has taken care of Imani. I have alot of milk. At some point i was expressing 1000mls. My baby has not had colic. I didn't have any issue....and i had a normal delivery after a CS. Tell my God thank you. I tell God everyday thank you.

(Inspirational Experience by a member of Pregnant Mom Supprot Group)

MY MUM OR MY MARRIAGE

In June 2013 mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. she underwent surgery but the wound took long to heal. So as a 1st born I took her since at the village she had no one to look after her. so she joined us (my son DH(Dear Hubby) and myself)the same June. My place was best suited 4 her since i live within hospital compound n she needed her BP n blood sugars monitored.

                                                       Fig. Mum best under my care

 In august 2013 I conceived n I was still taking care of mom who had already started chemotherapy sessions. So me n mom started arguing a lot think its coz of hormonal imbalance. I was a real kisirani(pain) to every1 in the house. Dh was not spared either n i couldn’t even eat when he was around. His smell would make me lose appetite. Mom dint know i was paged but dh knew . Dh was concerned n we talked, I told him that I also din’t know wat was happening 2me, but may be its coz I was paged.I promised to try n behave myself.

I finally behaved myself and in November DH started misbehaving.  He would go out like 2 nits without a word n phone switched off. he stopped talking to mom claiming that she is pretending to b sick. When he was around, mom would lock herself in her room. Dh asked me to throw mom out of the house but I refused. Mind u he neglected his duties since January n even when mom fell ill he was not bothered at all. He dint help even to pay our house rent. In December he packed n left. I was 5 months pregnant. On enquiring why he left, he said that mom made him move out coz of her pretense.

                                       

                                        Fig 2.  5month Pregnant me

I launched my investigations only to learn that he had been cheating with a gal whom he had planned to move in with come January,2014.He also had a kid- boy whom he got b4 we met n has never told me. Now am left with my mom, son 5years and I’m 7 months paged.He did not care at all. Hasn’t been easy but I am trying to cope.

3months later he hasn’t called. I called only to be asked who I was?Meaning he had deleted my contact. I was desperate because I needed him to help with his son’s school fees but I was let down. Separation is not easy 2 handle but with Novenas(St. Jude, Holy Spirit n Rosary) I have managed to overcome the bitterness and loneliness. I know I made the right decision though sometimes I keep wondering what if I did as he asked….would I have saved my marriage?

(Story courtesy of a member of Pregnant Mom Support Group .)

TAKEN TOO SOON

My baby Amaryah was born on 3/10\2013 a beautiful chubby girl at 1780 grams.She cried the sweetest cry...since she was premature she was incubated for assistance with the lungs and for a close watch.I remember. I could not sleep..I called the nurse at Nairobi Hospital and asked them to bring my daughter.I had emergency CS and Epidural was the administered mode used to numb me,hence I couldn't walk.I requested the nurse to take my phone go snap a few photos of Amaryah because mama couldn't find peace without seeing her baby gal.when she brought back my phone....Ladies I took a look at my baby and she took my breath away... I was able to sleep that day a happy mama.I said a prayer to Jehovah for Amaryah ,On Friday I could feel my legs and even though the nurses insisted on my taking breakfast I wanted to see my child...But mama wanted to look good for her daughter.

    fig.1 Baby Amarya incubated for assistance with the lungs and for a close watch

Let me take u back to my pregnancy..I initially thought I was pregnant with a baby boy.My husband and I were convinced it was a boy since I was more confident ,I fought more and I was willing and ready to put people in their place when I was a few weeks pregnant. We thought with all this drive (read madness) we were caring a boy...so when we did an ultra sound and found out that the gender was female....aah I had to change ,I was mama baby gal...I started wearing my make up again.I mean I had to start showing her proper manners(don't mind the psychology behind this)so on Friday I wanted my baby to see mama cleaned up..I took a shower,wore my make up and here I was ready to start playing and singing for my baby. In fact I received over a million congratulation messages from you mamas..my husband was a proud daddy..we were so happy...and I took a step to go meet my daughter face to face again for the second time(firsts time she came to and cried they brought her close to my face but the epidural was so on me I was not able to see her well..I just knew she had a head full of hair..and so this day Friday the fourth was special ...I walked in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) to meet her..my sweet baby was closing her eyes,I played her music and she opened her eyes..I called her Amaryah and she blinked her tiny eyes..I played with her though I questioned the nurses why all those pipes and jabs were being administered to her..they calmed my nerves as all was being done to ensure that she was out of NICU a healthy baby gal. My daughter knew her father..when daddy walked in and called out TOTO( he called her that all the time when I was pregnant) she looked at him we could tell were it not for the pipes and the tapes on her mouth she would cool...I forgot on third when I gave birth to her her daddy was out of theater waiting for his two girls to be fine..he waited patiently and when Amaryah was taken out(they take baby first as they are left with me Panel beating my uterus) dad was out followed Dr Wariua Amaryah's paed and he took her first ever video as she being put in the NICU...she was cooing and wooing...daddy was in cloud 50..I knew my baby was hungry ...thing is I was 31 weeks ,as so many Nov early December mum I hadn't finished shopping,so here I am with a hungry child who was in Neonatal Intensive Care hence she wouldn't suckle and the nurse tell me 'we are giving her dextrosol (some formula to give baby energy plus nutrients)but we prefer your milk as its more wholesome and nutritious..I told hubby to go buy a pump ...my poor husband was now running up and down. as we had been caught of guard but I have the best sister in law Annah who together with hubby were out ensuring Amaryah would be fine..but as a mum my baby was hungry..so one nurse gave me a small container and told me to express ..being a FTM(First Time Mum) I had zero idea on how to go about it,God Jehovah gives us the gift of babies equips us on how to take care of them too..so I expressed just 2mls that day and it was enough for her feeds for the day..now all our friends and family are so happy for us... My husband John is now a (Man) ndume and wow I was happy..baby is progressing well and now its bliss.. Being in a ward where every mother is holding their babies and your child is in ICU is torture..Friday night I couldn't sleep as babies around me were crying..I would wake up and go to Amaryah's incubator and tell her how I missed her crying..I had at this juncture forgot I had a CS wound ...I wished my baby was beside me.
On Saturday very early I'm the morn hubby shows up with the Pump and reaching the breastfeeding room the nurses sterilized the equipment and I was shown how to pump..the torrents of my boobs ie milk was so much...

                 Fig 2. I expressed 150 ml enough to feed my girl for a few hours.

Things were not ok though..I asked hubby to take away all the cards in my cubicles all the flowers ...anyone who sent me a happy congrats text I replied with 'please pray for my child..'. she slept longer now and she looked up and quickly closed her eyes even when her baba called her...I started googling on premature babies and I kept praying to Jehovah and telling Him 'you gave me Amaryah as a gift from you...there is no way my father you mix blessings with sorrows...my baby is suffering please make her well...If Jehovah you know us from deep in the womb ,then u surely knew about Amaryah even before I found out I was caring her..u knew her...u are a just God..u bless us everyday ..u are a healer...Please my Father I am in distress...my soul is beaten up....let not my sins pass to my daughter..let the consequences of my shortcomings be upon me and not my sweet daughter...and I humbly pray that u forgive her ...oh Jehovah you are a hearer of prayer ,and I know u hear the prayer of ur faithful ones...Heal all sick babies...please Jehovah I begged. and prayed and cried...If you saved Daniel in the pit of lions save my baby from this jaws of pain and anguish...heal Amaryah Jehovah....I know this battle is not just a physical battle...probably Satan is taunting you just like he did with faithful Job where he said Job worships u because of what you've given him,and so Satan took everything from job,kids,workers,wealth and even made job anguish in pain room the many boils in his body..wife to job even suggesting for job to curse u Jehovah and die..maybe Satan is saying let Night and John see this ,experience this sooner they will curse and blame u and stop worshiping you.. Saturday night I didn't sleep ladies...at three I started praying I got to a point I thought I had gone mad ..I told Jehovah " Uyu mwana ne waku Jehova...Onanie nde waku..ndingehota kwehe ona ithaa muturireine wakwa...he thau Ngai wakwa...' 

I cried in prayer till 6 AM a lady from the next bed came and asked me to stop crying as my baby was OK and that all was going to be OK we held hands and she encouraged me... so six I go see Amaryah , I am playing her bible song she so loved it , and I told her " Amaryah please tell Our father Jehovah something ...tell him you are suffering..and ask him to heal u..he created u and so he knows how to make u well...a nurse gave me a stool as I stayed with Amaryah...the nurse on duty wanted to do her bed and clean her so I told her how it would bring me joy to clean her..a small cotton wool in warm water as he cleaned her and told me I would put the special oil on her..I waited and no sooner had she cleaned her that mamas I took the oil and rubbed her whole body..I was happiest as I now tucked her back, I rubbed her arms, her.sweet legs ,- touched her beyond the ace and hair and I was so glad...we changed her bedding with the nurse changed her sleeping position to a comfy one and fed her through her feeding pipe ...it was now around eight and nurse now told me that now baby was ok and clean and fed ...mammy should take a break and go do the same..and I left praising Jehovah in the corridors I took millet porridge as my milk was a lot...I was to feed shower and go express...after thirty minutes in my breakfast. a nurse came running to me ... mama 'kuja saa hii' (come now)...she was running to me ...a part of me died..I ran behind her into the NICU and then I saw my baby's mouth full of blood...her paed doc Susan Wariua was shaking her head...there were 5 people in the room..the nurse told me mama your baby is gone........................we've tried resuscitating her for the last 30 minutes ,I lost it!!!!!my baby is not dead, my baby is not dead."mama look at her we have done all we can"".....nooooooooooooooo Jehovah no,! u promised me she would be okay,u would heal her, my baby is alive '( I saw her breathing , in my hazy temporal madness)I was rolling on the ground asking Jehovah how he allowed Satan to take my baby...I sobbed in the NICU........I hear voices "call her husband to come comfort her....I told them I was still a mother! Amrayah was alive and I told Wariua to not tell me they had done enough! what was enough?!!!!Jehovah they are saying they have done their best...so now take over and Heal her....a few minutes Sammy is there with me,my husband was here and I was a little better...we were asked to get out of NICU but I refused...I told them not to give up resuscitating her...Wariua's hand was tired from doing CPR on Amaryah but she still continued...injection ater injection , jab after jab ...and somehow hubby convinced me we go out ,my gyna Dr. wanjihia maina(God bless that man)came to speak with me and hubby...he encouraged us...and he told us that Jehovah was with us....and that everything happens for a reason.

In the middle of our talk a nurse comes in and says...''mama and daddy Amaryah Amaryah has is up...she is fine ''we ren out to NICU plus Dr wanjihia to see this....do I call it a miracle or resurrection or what is this....they had wiped out the blood that as gushing out earlier and she clean , heartbeat back and ....I thanked Jehovah ...Dr Wariua told me that now was critical as when babies bleed like that blood goes to other organs..they were to do more tests on Amaryah ...as a mum I saw Jehovah !I saw his hand ... To resuscitate a Premature and to give her all the jabs and 'what not'amaryah had withstood soo much at such a tiny age...she did not give up even when all looked bleak, Amaryah was a fighter...she amazed me as a mother...I spent that Sunday with hubby ,and my family close...all her Cucu's(grandma) prayed,Her only babu(grand dad) prayed....I went to NICU at around seven at night and told the nurses that I wanted to get another paed to give me and hubby a second opinion...I felt so uneasy they called Wariua and told her I wanted another neonatal doc to check Amaryah or us... Dr Atul patel was my choice of paed as I thought he would give John and I a better progress on Amaryah. He was called and he came to hosp...I went to bed to wait for hubby he was with his brother John within the hosp premises...now its around 8pm.

I see hubby come tell me '' baibe ni kubaya(its bad)..come....." so I follow him and we get into NICU...Atul the paed says I sit down...I take a look at Amaryahs crib and my baby is a sleep...I take a look at her feet and I ask the nurse why is my baby's legs turning blue...and Atul starts breaking it down or me.....my husband is holding me firmly and I sob when Atul tells me' babies who bleed like the way she did start shutting down slowly...when that happens they die...if they survive they may never be normal....etc etc etc....."I said I am her mama..whether she was a cabbage or she was blind ....I was the one to take care of her....its me and sammy who will hold her hand I she needs any help....the burden was ours if 'she survived as he put it'....oh I sobbed for my child...I wanted to hold her ...Atul asked the nurse to give me my baby...I wanted to have a skin to skin....so amidst my sobbing I started removing my gown ...fortunately the nurse brought me a robe and slowly with all the pipes sorrounding her the nurses eased Amaryah on my bossom and I held her for the first time ...I called her Amaryah my baby, my child...m y little fighter...sweety I see ur fighting,I see you are trying , toto am proud of u...I am so proud of u mama....are u feeling cold...mama y are ur feet blue...see how I hold u and your milk just comes out ...see mama...ohhhhh my poor baby...I love u toto....I know u love me too mama...I know u. want to tell me so much...mama your first cry was the sweetest thing I have ever heard...toto your voice is beautiuful ...oh my baby my child....see u look like daddy...you are eye brow is just like daddys...ur baba loves u mama...he loves u so much he was waiting for u when u were born...my baby, Amaryah my child...you'll be okay mama...you are strong girl and av seen u fight toto...u make me proud mama...toto your uncle John is here see how he love u....babu is here Amaryah .....am talking to my child...a nurse says time of death'nine thirty am not sure....and they ask for me to give them to her I refuse...I hold her tightly in my arms ....and in my sobbing -i wrapped her close...I kissed her ...its now midnight and then I lay her back to her crib with the help of the nurses and kiss her forehead,kiss her hand(she had been jabbed so much) I say rest toto....mama you are not in pain...Amaryah my child ,my baby is not in pain....my world just shut down! and I call out on Jehovah! Mamas my daughter taught me and John so much...Little girl was a fighter...she fought to the end..she made me and John parents...she brought so much joy in our lives....the five days she was with us she made our lives sooo beautiful...she went through soo much at an infancy yet she never gave up..she amazed us with her tenacity ...she was a fighter!!!we were so proud of her and we learnt so much...Ladies and gentlemen sometimes we face challenges and machinations from Satan...we tend to give up while we should be fighting...Amaryah fought to her last breath.just like Job Satan wants to ensure we 'curse Jehovah and die' ...how will we act...will we make our father Jehovah proud or shall we let Satan taunt him? prov 27:11...my daughter knew Jehovah since I tried my beat to pray with every chance I get... please teach your babies out God...let them know Him from infancy...tell them Jehovah made u toto ...show them how to pray...let them know that their maker is Alive ,He God almighty and that He listens to babies when they pray... our faith is renewed ...our resolve to remain faithful even more firm...We choose to Celebrate Her...we morn and miss her ...my breasts full o milk and my cs wound a constant reminder that she is not here...my memory so fresh o our adorable daughter.. We learn that just like Job, Satan thinks we worship God only because of what God has blessed us with...You know the account of Job is what has strengthened me and Hubby at this time of distress..Satan told God that Job was faithful because of what God had blessed him with.so Satan took everything from job, his kids, his wealth, his health and his wife even suggested he curse God so he dies...Job was latter blessed for remaining faithful. He never cursed God...We may have lost Amaryah but we have hope that just as Jesus resurrected Lazarus..soon he will resurrect our dear loved ones.He will call them out o their memorial tombs and they shall wake up...Amaryah is in Jehovah's memory and I know without a doubt that He shall resurrect her ...Me and John and u ladies are alive...how will we remain? will we give in to Satan taunting God ,that I he takes away our health,wealth, families we shall curse God and die... or will we remain faithful like Job did ...and receive Gods blessings in abundant in the near future when he brings in New heavens and new earth and bless us with everlasting life?I want to see my baby in paradise...I pray we all remain faithful to our Maker... so on Monday as we laid her to rest at Lee funeral home ...I had told her Babu who was officiating the burial proceedings to tell all our family and close friends around that ' Baby Amaryah Wa John ' fought a great fight.So we should Celebrate Her life!!!Her name Amaryah is Hebrew. It means "JEHOVAH HAS PROMISED".....God when necessary gives us the Power beyond what is normal...He strengthens us with his holy spirit.The power from God is insurmountable.I don't know...Sam and I if ever blessed again with a daughter would not name her Amaryah. She is not replaceable ....her sister would maybe be Maryah or if its a brother mark I mean some name that is close to her names...There is only one Amaryah in this household...and we shall never forget her.


(True story courtesy of a member of Pregnant Mom Support Group.)