TAKEN TOO SOON

My baby Amaryah was born on 3/10\2013 a beautiful chubby girl at 1780 grams.She cried the sweetest cry...since she was premature she was incubated for assistance with the lungs and for a close watch.I remember. I could not sleep..I called the nurse at Nairobi Hospital and asked them to bring my daughter.I had emergency CS and Epidural was the administered mode used to numb me,hence I couldn't walk.I requested the nurse to take my phone go snap a few photos of Amaryah because mama couldn't find peace without seeing her baby gal.when she brought back my phone....Ladies I took a look at my baby and she took my breath away... I was able to sleep that day a happy mama.I said a prayer to Jehovah for Amaryah ,On Friday I could feel my legs and even though the nurses insisted on my taking breakfast I wanted to see my child...But mama wanted to look good for her daughter.

    fig.1 Baby Amarya incubated for assistance with the lungs and for a close watch

Let me take u back to my pregnancy..I initially thought I was pregnant with a baby boy.My husband and I were convinced it was a boy since I was more confident ,I fought more and I was willing and ready to put people in their place when I was a few weeks pregnant. We thought with all this drive (read madness) we were caring a boy...so when we did an ultra sound and found out that the gender was female....aah I had to change ,I was mama baby gal...I started wearing my make up again.I mean I had to start showing her proper manners(don't mind the psychology behind this)so on Friday I wanted my baby to see mama cleaned up..I took a shower,wore my make up and here I was ready to start playing and singing for my baby. In fact I received over a million congratulation messages from you mamas..my husband was a proud daddy..we were so happy...and I took a step to go meet my daughter face to face again for the second time(firsts time she came to and cried they brought her close to my face but the epidural was so on me I was not able to see her well..I just knew she had a head full of hair..and so this day Friday the fourth was special ...I walked in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) to meet her..my sweet baby was closing her eyes,I played her music and she opened her eyes..I called her Amaryah and she blinked her tiny eyes..I played with her though I questioned the nurses why all those pipes and jabs were being administered to her..they calmed my nerves as all was being done to ensure that she was out of NICU a healthy baby gal. My daughter knew her father..when daddy walked in and called out TOTO( he called her that all the time when I was pregnant) she looked at him we could tell were it not for the pipes and the tapes on her mouth she would cool...I forgot on third when I gave birth to her her daddy was out of theater waiting for his two girls to be fine..he waited patiently and when Amaryah was taken out(they take baby first as they are left with me Panel beating my uterus) dad was out followed Dr Wariua Amaryah's paed and he took her first ever video as she being put in the NICU...she was cooing and wooing...daddy was in cloud 50..I knew my baby was hungry ...thing is I was 31 weeks ,as so many Nov early December mum I hadn't finished shopping,so here I am with a hungry child who was in Neonatal Intensive Care hence she wouldn't suckle and the nurse tell me 'we are giving her dextrosol (some formula to give baby energy plus nutrients)but we prefer your milk as its more wholesome and nutritious..I told hubby to go buy a pump ...my poor husband was now running up and down. as we had been caught of guard but I have the best sister in law Annah who together with hubby were out ensuring Amaryah would be fine..but as a mum my baby was hungry..so one nurse gave me a small container and told me to express ..being a FTM(First Time Mum) I had zero idea on how to go about it,God Jehovah gives us the gift of babies equips us on how to take care of them too..so I expressed just 2mls that day and it was enough for her feeds for the day..now all our friends and family are so happy for us... My husband John is now a (Man) ndume and wow I was happy..baby is progressing well and now its bliss.. Being in a ward where every mother is holding their babies and your child is in ICU is torture..Friday night I couldn't sleep as babies around me were crying..I would wake up and go to Amaryah's incubator and tell her how I missed her crying..I had at this juncture forgot I had a CS wound ...I wished my baby was beside me.
On Saturday very early I'm the morn hubby shows up with the Pump and reaching the breastfeeding room the nurses sterilized the equipment and I was shown how to pump..the torrents of my boobs ie milk was so much...

                 Fig 2. I expressed 150 ml enough to feed my girl for a few hours.

Things were not ok though..I asked hubby to take away all the cards in my cubicles all the flowers ...anyone who sent me a happy congrats text I replied with 'please pray for my child..'. she slept longer now and she looked up and quickly closed her eyes even when her baba called her...I started googling on premature babies and I kept praying to Jehovah and telling Him 'you gave me Amaryah as a gift from you...there is no way my father you mix blessings with sorrows...my baby is suffering please make her well...If Jehovah you know us from deep in the womb ,then u surely knew about Amaryah even before I found out I was caring her..u knew her...u are a just God..u bless us everyday ..u are a healer...Please my Father I am in distress...my soul is beaten up....let not my sins pass to my daughter..let the consequences of my shortcomings be upon me and not my sweet daughter...and I humbly pray that u forgive her ...oh Jehovah you are a hearer of prayer ,and I know u hear the prayer of ur faithful ones...Heal all sick babies...please Jehovah I begged. and prayed and cried...If you saved Daniel in the pit of lions save my baby from this jaws of pain and anguish...heal Amaryah Jehovah....I know this battle is not just a physical battle...probably Satan is taunting you just like he did with faithful Job where he said Job worships u because of what you've given him,and so Satan took everything from job,kids,workers,wealth and even made job anguish in pain room the many boils in his body..wife to job even suggesting for job to curse u Jehovah and die..maybe Satan is saying let Night and John see this ,experience this sooner they will curse and blame u and stop worshiping you.. Saturday night I didn't sleep ladies...at three I started praying I got to a point I thought I had gone mad ..I told Jehovah " Uyu mwana ne waku Jehova...Onanie nde waku..ndingehota kwehe ona ithaa muturireine wakwa...he thau Ngai wakwa...' 

I cried in prayer till 6 AM a lady from the next bed came and asked me to stop crying as my baby was OK and that all was going to be OK we held hands and she encouraged me... so six I go see Amaryah , I am playing her bible song she so loved it , and I told her " Amaryah please tell Our father Jehovah something ...tell him you are suffering..and ask him to heal u..he created u and so he knows how to make u well...a nurse gave me a stool as I stayed with Amaryah...the nurse on duty wanted to do her bed and clean her so I told her how it would bring me joy to clean her..a small cotton wool in warm water as he cleaned her and told me I would put the special oil on her..I waited and no sooner had she cleaned her that mamas I took the oil and rubbed her whole body..I was happiest as I now tucked her back, I rubbed her arms, her.sweet legs ,- touched her beyond the ace and hair and I was so glad...we changed her bedding with the nurse changed her sleeping position to a comfy one and fed her through her feeding pipe ...it was now around eight and nurse now told me that now baby was ok and clean and fed ...mammy should take a break and go do the same..and I left praising Jehovah in the corridors I took millet porridge as my milk was a lot...I was to feed shower and go express...after thirty minutes in my breakfast. a nurse came running to me ... mama 'kuja saa hii' (come now)...she was running to me ...a part of me died..I ran behind her into the NICU and then I saw my baby's mouth full of blood...her paed doc Susan Wariua was shaking her head...there were 5 people in the room..the nurse told me mama your baby is gone........................we've tried resuscitating her for the last 30 minutes ,I lost it!!!!!my baby is not dead, my baby is not dead."mama look at her we have done all we can"".....nooooooooooooooo Jehovah no,! u promised me she would be okay,u would heal her, my baby is alive '( I saw her breathing , in my hazy temporal madness)I was rolling on the ground asking Jehovah how he allowed Satan to take my baby...I sobbed in the NICU........I hear voices "call her husband to come comfort her....I told them I was still a mother! Amrayah was alive and I told Wariua to not tell me they had done enough! what was enough?!!!!Jehovah they are saying they have done their best...so now take over and Heal her....a few minutes Sammy is there with me,my husband was here and I was a little better...we were asked to get out of NICU but I refused...I told them not to give up resuscitating her...Wariua's hand was tired from doing CPR on Amaryah but she still continued...injection ater injection , jab after jab ...and somehow hubby convinced me we go out ,my gyna Dr. wanjihia maina(God bless that man)came to speak with me and hubby...he encouraged us...and he told us that Jehovah was with us....and that everything happens for a reason.

In the middle of our talk a nurse comes in and says...''mama and daddy Amaryah Amaryah has is up...she is fine ''we ren out to NICU plus Dr wanjihia to see this....do I call it a miracle or resurrection or what is this....they had wiped out the blood that as gushing out earlier and she clean , heartbeat back and ....I thanked Jehovah ...Dr Wariua told me that now was critical as when babies bleed like that blood goes to other organs..they were to do more tests on Amaryah ...as a mum I saw Jehovah !I saw his hand ... To resuscitate a Premature and to give her all the jabs and 'what not'amaryah had withstood soo much at such a tiny age...she did not give up even when all looked bleak, Amaryah was a fighter...she amazed me as a mother...I spent that Sunday with hubby ,and my family close...all her Cucu's(grandma) prayed,Her only babu(grand dad) prayed....I went to NICU at around seven at night and told the nurses that I wanted to get another paed to give me and hubby a second opinion...I felt so uneasy they called Wariua and told her I wanted another neonatal doc to check Amaryah or us... Dr Atul patel was my choice of paed as I thought he would give John and I a better progress on Amaryah. He was called and he came to hosp...I went to bed to wait for hubby he was with his brother John within the hosp premises...now its around 8pm.

I see hubby come tell me '' baibe ni kubaya(its bad)..come....." so I follow him and we get into NICU...Atul the paed says I sit down...I take a look at Amaryahs crib and my baby is a sleep...I take a look at her feet and I ask the nurse why is my baby's legs turning blue...and Atul starts breaking it down or me.....my husband is holding me firmly and I sob when Atul tells me' babies who bleed like the way she did start shutting down slowly...when that happens they die...if they survive they may never be normal....etc etc etc....."I said I am her mama..whether she was a cabbage or she was blind ....I was the one to take care of her....its me and sammy who will hold her hand I she needs any help....the burden was ours if 'she survived as he put it'....oh I sobbed for my child...I wanted to hold her ...Atul asked the nurse to give me my baby...I wanted to have a skin to skin....so amidst my sobbing I started removing my gown ...fortunately the nurse brought me a robe and slowly with all the pipes sorrounding her the nurses eased Amaryah on my bossom and I held her for the first time ...I called her Amaryah my baby, my child...m y little fighter...sweety I see ur fighting,I see you are trying , toto am proud of u...I am so proud of u mama....are u feeling cold...mama y are ur feet blue...see how I hold u and your milk just comes out ...see mama...ohhhhh my poor baby...I love u toto....I know u love me too mama...I know u. want to tell me so much...mama your first cry was the sweetest thing I have ever heard...toto your voice is beautiuful ...oh my baby my child....see u look like daddy...you are eye brow is just like daddys...ur baba loves u mama...he loves u so much he was waiting for u when u were born...my baby, Amaryah my child...you'll be okay mama...you are strong girl and av seen u fight toto...u make me proud mama...toto your uncle John is here see how he love u....babu is here Amaryah .....am talking to my child...a nurse says time of death'nine thirty am not sure....and they ask for me to give them to her I refuse...I hold her tightly in my arms ....and in my sobbing -i wrapped her close...I kissed her ...its now midnight and then I lay her back to her crib with the help of the nurses and kiss her forehead,kiss her hand(she had been jabbed so much) I say rest toto....mama you are not in pain...Amaryah my child ,my baby is not in pain....my world just shut down! and I call out on Jehovah! Mamas my daughter taught me and John so much...Little girl was a fighter...she fought to the end..she made me and John parents...she brought so much joy in our lives....the five days she was with us she made our lives sooo beautiful...she went through soo much at an infancy yet she never gave up..she amazed us with her tenacity ...she was a fighter!!!we were so proud of her and we learnt so much...Ladies and gentlemen sometimes we face challenges and machinations from Satan...we tend to give up while we should be fighting...Amaryah fought to her last breath.just like Job Satan wants to ensure we 'curse Jehovah and die' ...how will we act...will we make our father Jehovah proud or shall we let Satan taunt him? prov 27:11...my daughter knew Jehovah since I tried my beat to pray with every chance I get... please teach your babies out God...let them know Him from infancy...tell them Jehovah made u toto ...show them how to pray...let them know that their maker is Alive ,He God almighty and that He listens to babies when they pray... our faith is renewed ...our resolve to remain faithful even more firm...We choose to Celebrate Her...we morn and miss her ...my breasts full o milk and my cs wound a constant reminder that she is not here...my memory so fresh o our adorable daughter.. We learn that just like Job, Satan thinks we worship God only because of what God has blessed us with...You know the account of Job is what has strengthened me and Hubby at this time of distress..Satan told God that Job was faithful because of what God had blessed him with.so Satan took everything from job, his kids, his wealth, his health and his wife even suggested he curse God so he dies...Job was latter blessed for remaining faithful. He never cursed God...We may have lost Amaryah but we have hope that just as Jesus resurrected Lazarus..soon he will resurrect our dear loved ones.He will call them out o their memorial tombs and they shall wake up...Amaryah is in Jehovah's memory and I know without a doubt that He shall resurrect her ...Me and John and u ladies are alive...how will we remain? will we give in to Satan taunting God ,that I he takes away our health,wealth, families we shall curse God and die... or will we remain faithful like Job did ...and receive Gods blessings in abundant in the near future when he brings in New heavens and new earth and bless us with everlasting life?I want to see my baby in paradise...I pray we all remain faithful to our Maker... so on Monday as we laid her to rest at Lee funeral home ...I had told her Babu who was officiating the burial proceedings to tell all our family and close friends around that ' Baby Amaryah Wa John ' fought a great fight.So we should Celebrate Her life!!!Her name Amaryah is Hebrew. It means "JEHOVAH HAS PROMISED".....God when necessary gives us the Power beyond what is normal...He strengthens us with his holy spirit.The power from God is insurmountable.I don't know...Sam and I if ever blessed again with a daughter would not name her Amaryah. She is not replaceable ....her sister would maybe be Maryah or if its a brother mark I mean some name that is close to her names...There is only one Amaryah in this household...and we shall never forget her.


(True story courtesy of a member of Pregnant Mom Support Group.)